Thursday, 7 July 2011

Dear So and So.... The Tanning Edition

Dear Ambre Solaire 'No Streaks' Bronzer

I thought this was the start of something new... something fantastic... I did everything you asked of me and you let me down.

I don't think I can ever see you again now. That night when I got naked with you - I thought that we were a team - I thought we would be together forever. Never in a million years did I imagine it would be a one-night thing, not when I invested so much in you. I'm so upset and you've embarrassed me in front of my friends. I only got with you because you weren't cheap like the others - I thought you'd make me happy again - but you've left me in a mess. I got naked for you and then you streaked on me.

I imagined the pair of us on our holidays, I thought you'd be the perfect companion... Yes, I knew I would be living a lie but who would know? We could have been together for years, just seeing each other in secret - I thought no one would ever suspect a thing.

It was all just a dream though, we can't be together you and me - I'm too pale and pasty for such a bronze god. I'll have to go back to my old flame Sun Shimmer, I know he only stays with me when it's dry and he does do a runner if there's so much of a droplet of rain but he's reliable, he never lets me down like this.

Good bye AS, it's been emotional. You're gone but not forgotten. You've left me in an absolute mess.

Love, the pale one with the brown streaks


Dear Sun,

After my relationship with AS ended, I thought that I could see you again. It's been a while since I let you in life. Things always get so hot between us but I always seem to do something silly. I usually get left red faced and embarrassed. You never seem to treat the other girls this way : (

The weekend was good, don't get me wrong. We shared some good times and it was lovely seeing you with the kids but you went and did it again didn't you. It's always when I least expect it. I thought I'd protected myself from you, I promised myself I would but I left myself unguarded from your strong presence. You burnt me Mr Sun and I promise that is for the last time. Not only that, you left me with a rash this time too - I'm gonna have to get some cream for that now.

I wish you were in my life more but you just seem to come and go as you please - sometimes you're gone for weeks at a time and you don't even say goodbye.

Don't burn me again, I want the next 2 weeks with you to be great. This is your last chance.

Love, the pale one with the pink (and brown) stripes.


Dear Body,

Since I read that 'animal print' was on trend for the Summer, you have worked with aforementioned peeps to make me look like zebra. This is certainly not what I had in mind.

Think - bronzed goddess. Just work with me please - is it too much to ask?

Love, the pale one (with pink and brown stripes) *dreaming of being sun kissed


Dear Genes,

Why did you decide to make the pale gene the dominant one. Yes, I love my Dad and it's nice to have certain features that resemble him but really? The pale skin one?? My Mother's golden tanned skin would have worked so well, I blame you for all my problems... including my big nose and huge a$$ (well someone has to take responsibility for it and it ain't gonna be me.)

Love, The Ungrateful One with the big nose and the pale skin. x


Thanks for listening, that is all. *runs off to find some bleach to remove unsightly streaks*

Dear So and So...

Head over to Kat's blog now to see more! PS This is my first time as a DSAS so forgive me if I've done it wrong! (but tell me obviously - I don't want to look stoopid)!

No comments:

Post a Comment