Wednesday, 27 April 2011

A Funny Moment On The Train

Written earlier today...

I’m currently sat on a train on the way back from London. I need to do work but I can’t get online to access my emails. Even if I could get on, I can’t hear myself think. There are 3 girls (probably around the age of 18) on the table adjacent to me that are screeching so much about their night out last night.

They’re name dropping, talking about what a great time they had and they’ve mentioned they were staying at the Mayfair about a hundred times. It’s becoming apparent that they’ve met Chipmunk and someone by the name of Trey. From what I can gather it was Trey's concert but they were sat opposite him at one point, chatting to him. They only drank Grey Goose Vodka and champagne  - nothing else. And they got pretty wasted last night – the blond one has been sick twice during the journey – she had a chicken salad sandwich last night and now apparently it’s on the wall of the train toilet. The short haired brunette appears to pining over a lad called Jay-Jay – she’s so fed up with the way he’s been treating her and the other night she just got up, took her computer and left.

She's seems a bit down and proceeds to don a very large pair of white headphones, then starts singing extremely louly to Judas by Lady Gaga. They are all wearing MASSIVE false eyelashes and they orginate from Warrington - the same place as Kerry Katona - nuff said. They're already planning Friday night's jaunt to the big smoke but one of them can't make it 'cause she's going to a party.

I'm still taking it all in, my brain feels like it's going to explode from the noise level of these people. and their sheer lack of any need for privacy. There's a rather large man sat next to me and I sense he's unable to zone out either. The lady opposite is reading through pages and pages of photocopied sheets and obviously needs to be able to focus. It's clear that none of us on this opposite table have ever experienced anything like this on a train before but we don't acknowledge each other.


The girls are now talking about where 'headphone girl' ended up the previous night. The blond girl screams and makes a very rude un-postable comment along the lines of "I don't know but she certainly had her mouth full." The large man proceeds to spit half a bottle of Ribena out in shock, covering his shirt and tie and spraying the woman in front. 


I am not very good with trying not to laugh in these kind of circumstances. I couldn't help myself, I laughed. Loud. The lady in front laughed. The girls laughed. The man laughed.

Then we all went back to what we were doing as if nothing had happened, some of us a little bit more berry coloured than before. 


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